Forgetting
by Sister Duet
Summary: Spoilers for CoE day four. For the rating, nothing explicit, just a sad fic. Even Captain Jack Harkness can't remember everything. It all fades eventually. Even the promises.


**This was just an idea that came to me when I watched Torchwood CoE day four. It's impossible to completely remember someone once they've died, you can remember a person or quite a bit about a person, but you'll never be able to remember them quite as well as when they were alive.**

**-the potato**

**Disclaimer: If I had owned these characters, they would have had a happy ending. Probably. I don't own them, so we'll never know.**

* * *

Losing people to death is an inevitable event, especially for Captain Jack Harkness. Many people had told him that the first few days were the worst. Not for Jack, for Jack the worst part came much later, when he woke up on day and realized he couldn't remember the sound of their voice or the structure of their face. Slowly, they would fade into the back of his mind with all the others he had lost.

_"Don't forget me."_

_ "Never could."_

Jack had a recording of Torchwood three. There was just one recording of them acting like themselves. It hadn't been a special day, quite ordinary for Torchwood in fact, but Jack had simply felt like attacking his crew with a video camera.

"First in line, we have the charming Toshiko," said Jack's disembodied voice, following Tosh's rapid movements at the computer until she turned around to face him. She gave him a quick smile and wave then was back to what she had been working on.

"As hard working as she is brilliant, and over there we have the fantastic Gwen Cooper!"

The camera caught Gwen halfway to Tosh's work station, laughing at the sight of the captain creating a homemade video. The camera panned in on her engagement ring while Jack continued to narrate, "And there you'll notice the large rock currently weighing down her finger, constantly reminding her she'll never be able to sleep with me-"

At this point, Gwen hit the camera causing the screen to blur but laughter could still be heard.

"Next is our Doctor, Owen Harper, who spends the majority of his social life with dead bodies."

The camera had continued its journey through Torchwood, until it came to rest on Owen doing an autopsy on the rift's latest victim.

"It's your fault, it's not like I sit around here and hope for dead bodies to rain from the sky," he shot back never looking up from his work.

"Some think he spends too much time with the bodies, maybe he has a fetish for dead people?"

Owen finally looked up but only to make a rude gesture at the camera. Jack's laughter could be heard as he walked away to find the last member of Torchwood.

"And finally, we have the incredible Ianto Jones!"

Ianto looked up, confused for a moment. Then he saw the camera and rolled his eyes at Jack's antics.

"Wearing his red tie today, he's obviously hoping for a promotion. Should I humor him and make him my personal assistant?"

"I already am your personal assistant. I'm also you're butler, maid, and secretary."

"Oh, but when you're my personal assistant, I'd have you all to myself, 24 hours a day, wearing nothing but that red tie of yours…"

"You'd get even less work done than you are now!"

"I'd be doing something much better than work- or someone."

"Jack-"

The Welshman was abruptly cut off as Jack pounced on him, causing the camera to spin wildly then shut off. Jack knew Ianto wouldn't want the next part recorded.

_"Yes I will. I promise. I will."_

When Owen and Tosh had died, Jack had gone up to his office and watched the video on repeat all night, desperate to remember the way Owen's hair parted or the color Tosh painted her nails. But forgetting is a process that halts for nothing and slowly, bit by bit, Jack forgot them.

_"I love you." _

_ "Don't."_

Jack could remember the way his suits felt and the way his voice sounded. He could recall the way Ianto would roll his eyes and gave the captain a patronizing look and Jack could easily bring an image to his mind. He remembered the sound of Ianto snoring, which he would deny fervently if you ever asked ("I do not snore!" "How would you know, you're always asleep!")

Only now could Jack see how much Ianto had meant to him. Jack slammed his fist into the cabinet out of frustration and rage. The only result was a slight dent in the cabinet and a bruised hand which, of course, healed immediately. It wasn't supposed to go as far as it had! Jack had never wanted Ianto to fall in love with him. It was supposed to be a one night thing, no strings attached. No feelings, no love, because when there was, someone always got hurt. But it wasn't a one night thing and there were feelings. And someone did get hurt. Ianto was gone. And Jack had never told him.

_"Ianto, stay with me. Stay with me, please!"_

He wouldn't forget. Not this time. He had promised Ianto. He couldn't save Ianto. He couldn't tell him how he felt. But he would keep his promise. Every night he watched the video because it was almost like having Torchwood three back, if only for a few minutes. For months he watched it, every night becoming dangerously close to obsessive. Gradually, his watching habits calmed.

Only every other day, Jack could remember.

Only once a week, he heard Ianto's voice when he slept anyway.

Once a month, he was busy with Torchwood four.

"_In a thousand years? You won't remember me._

One night, Jack didn't have any dreams and he was so busy with the rift during the day that he didn't even stop to think about Torchwood three. Sitting back in his chair after everyone had left, Jack felt relaxed for the first time in a year. Then he realized;

He couldn't remember the color of Ianto's eyes.

He couldn't see his smirk.

He couldn't hear his voice.

"No, no, no, no!"

Frustrated, angry, and relieved all at once, Jack was moving on. He tried, he had tried so hard, but forgetting is a process that halts for nothing. Captain Jack Harkness had forgotten Ianto Jones.


End file.
